


Operation Matchmaker (is a Critical Failure)

by Poker



Category: Henry Stickmin Series (Video Games)
Genre: Are already together, Attempted Matchmaking, Fluff, Henry and Charles being cute, Humor, M/M, Obliviousness, Romance, Selectively Mute Henry, What do you call it when the people you’re matchmaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:15:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26150062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poker/pseuds/Poker
Summary: The Bukowski twins want the resident romantic disasters to finally confess to each other. Dave just doesn’t want to be fired.Henry and Charles are really confused about all the weird stuff the others are doing, especially when it nearly interrupts their dates.
Relationships: Charles Calvin/Henry Stickmin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 296





	Operation Matchmaker (is a Critical Failure)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sort of tie in to “If You Like It Then You Should Put A Ring On It (so Henry did)”, hope you guys enjoy. I may not own Henry Stickmin but I would super appreciate any Kudos/Bookmarks and especially Reviews!!
> 
> I’d love to see how many hints you guys pick up. I added in some sneaky ones.

“I’m going to be real with you guys, it’s kind of getting sad to watch.”

Calvin didn’t even have to look to smack his brother upside the head. “Well, maybe you should stop looking at them then!”

“I can’t help it!” Konrad said, rubbing the back of his head. “I feel kind of bad for him. It’s like watching a train wreck happen, but the actual wreck isn’t happening. Dave gets it, doesn’t he?”

Dave jumped in his seat, looking between the twins. “Huh?” He had spaced out again. Calvin rolled his eyes, pointing across the hanger at the resident disasters.

Charles was sitting on the edge of the inside of his helicopter, face still smudged with oil. His dark blue and red jacket was unzipped, the fabric swishing as he gestured wildly about whatever he was talking about. Henry was leaning against the door, listening to the pilot talk, a soft smile on his face. Even from across the room, it was impossible to miss the obvious affection they had for each other.

“What about them?” Dave asked. He usually tried to avoid Henry. The guy had given him a recommendation for the soldier post he had landed here, but that didn’t erase the multiple jobs he lost because of the thief.

“They’ve been dancing around each other for months.” Calvin said. “Nobody can understand it. They clearly like each other, but neither of them has made the first move.”

“Train wreck in action!” Konrad jumped in. He ducked under Calvin’s next ‘don’t interrupt me’ swat. “I feel pretty bad for Charles. He’s a nice guy, I’m betting that the whole process is really wearing him down.”

“There’s nothing we can do about it though.” Dave said with a shrug. “It’s not like we can push them together or something.”

He looked up, freezing at the looks on the twins’ faces. Oh no. Oh no, this was definitely going to lead to something that would get him fired. He just knew it.

“What’s to say we can’t?” Calvin said thoughtfully, watching as the pair left the hanger. “How hard can it be?”

“You have fun with that!” Dave said, trying for a quick retreat. Konrad snagged him by the arm before he could get more than three feet. That guy was unfairly strong, probably from fighting with his twin so much.

“Nope, you’re in on this now.” Konrad said. “Operation Matchmaker is a go.”

Dave was so going to get fired for this.

* * *

Operation Matchmaker: The Blind Date was a go.

“It’s perfect.” Calvin argued. “If they spend some time alone together, outside of work, they’ll have to realize it!”

“But we’ll be wasting our leave time.” Konrad said, crossing his arms stubbornly. “I did not put in the work just to sit inside the base on my days off.”

“We’ll just go to another bar then.” Calvin said, absently snagging Dave by the arm before he could bolt again. “Say we gave them the wrong directions or changed our minds.

“Fine.” Konrad said. “Here, you call.” 

Dave nearly fumbled the phone that was tossed to him. “Me?” He said. “Why?

“You know Henry the best.” Konrad said, like that was a sensible answer. “So it’s more likely Charles will listen to you.”

“Also, the last time we invited Charles to a bar, Konrad did karaoke.” Calvin said. “That’s a level of torture that no one wants to revisit on the pains of losing their ears.”

“You were doing it too!”

“But better!”

Dave turned around, trying to block out the fight going on behind him. Ugh, they’d definitely notice if he tried to fake the call. He hit the start call button, raising it to his ear.

“Hello?” Charles said. Dave swallowed heavily. Showtime, he supposed.

“Hey, this is Dave.” Dave said. Wow, that sounded kind of lame. “You know, the guy who Henry got fired. Multiple times.” And that sounded even sadder.

“Do you want to talk to Henry?” Charles said. There was a shuffling noise like someone getting out of a chair. He could hear Charles talking to someone, maybe asking where Henry was? He heard Charles say the name at least.

“No!” Not yet. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Why?” Charles said. Konrad and Calvin were watching him now, their stares making Dave fidget. “Is something going on?”

“Just wanted to see if you wanted to swing by the bar with me and a few other guys tomorrow.” Dave said. He tugged at his collar. “You know, have some fun while we’re on leave.”

“Sorry, I was planning on staying in.” Charles said. “I hope you guys have fun though!”

“Oh, uh, we will.” Dave said. Konrad waved at him. “Do you know where I can find Henry? To see if he’ll want to come?”

“Oh, he’s staying on base too.” Charles said. Another brief murmur of voices, Charles was talking with someone. “Yep, but that it’s nice you asked.”

“Have fun then?” Dave said. “I’m gonna let you go.”

“Alright, bye Dave! Have fun on leave!” Charles said. There was a soft click as the call ended and Dave pulled the phone away from his ear.

“What’d Charles say?” Konrad said, looking like he was vibrating out of excitement. Dave thought he had been rather bored by their work lately, but the twins had taken it to another level.

“They’re staying on base.” Dave said. “Both Charles and Henry. Didn’t want to go out for leave.”

“Aw.” Calvin said, slumping slightly. His brother looked similarly deflated. “Guess we’ll just have to brainstorm new ideas while on leave.”

At least that meant Dave got company at the bar, he reflected later, staring down at his drink. Calvin and Konrad knew a lot of people. It was nice to be included for once.

But they really were bad at karaoke.

* * *

“We are not freezing the base.” Konrad hissed. “That idea is stupid!”

“I think it’ll be fine.” Calvin huffed, crossing his arms. Dave just focused on juggling his popcorn and ticket, glancing up to check the theater signs.

He was really regretting accepting the squad wide invitation to a horror movie showing. He had been wanting to see this movie for so long too, it was from an incredibly popular series. But team morale meant bupkis to the twins, who were still arguing over matchmaking ideas.

And on top of it, Dave had forgotten his phone on base, which meant the squad had decided to babysit him everywhere as a joke. It was the worst.

He was almost relieved to see the ominously familiar face. Henry was sitting cross legged on a bench, two theaters down from theirs, wearing a dark blue and red jacket. A ball of bright red yarn was sitting in his lap and he was working on what looked to be a scarf.

It was so civilian that Dave nearly forgot the guy was a master thief.

But it was a welcome distraction from the arguing twins. Dave wandered over, knowing the thief noticed him though they didn’t look away from their knitting.

“Taking a break?” He asked. The thief nodded. “You’re pretty good at that.”

It was weird how expressive the thief was, even without saying or signing a word. Henry didn’t have to say anything to let Dave know he was very proud of this skill.

Dave almost felt bad when the twins noticed the thief avoiding the crowd. They slipped over, eyeing the thief like lions would eye fresh meat.

“You attending the horror movie night then?” Calvin said. Henry shook his head, pointing to the theater next to him. An action comedy movie with lots of explosions. Dave has been thinking about going to go see it.

“Oh cool.” Konrad said. “I think Charles loves those kinds of movies too.”

There was the twins’ game. Dave eyed them, just kind of tired by now. They were not being subtle in the slightest.

Henry nodded. Dave still thought he was a jerk, but had to feel a bit of sympathy for the man. Henry waved, pointing one hand down the hallway.

Dave swore. The theater had finally opened, and people were filing in. The twins headed back down the hallway towards the theater, their prey to live another day.

He paused for a minute, fumbling his armload of stuff. 

“Thanks so much!”

Huh, that sounded familiar. Dave glanced behind him. Charles was heading into the movie theater hallway with his own armload of concession snacks. 

Guess he must be interested in that action movie. Or more likely one of the poor suckers who got shuffled into the overflow theater instead of sitting with the other government guys.

He forgot about it as soon as he settled himself in his seat, leaning back to watch the trailers.

* * *

“Where does Henry sleep anyways?” Konrad said, staring off into the distance. Dave very carefully shoved the requisition forms away and set his head against the desk. He could feel the headache coming on.

“Pretty sure he nests in the vents or something.” Calvin said. “I’ve seen him carrying extra blankets and pillows around.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.” Dave said. “Would the general really allow a thief to sleep in the vents?”

The twins shared a look. “Probably.” Calvin said. “He’s pretty fond of Henry, and Henry has a pretty good track record going for missions.”

Wow, that was not great for Dave’s already fragile peace of mind. “Why don’t you just check the files then?” He said, hoping they would go away and plot elsewhere.

“Great idea!” Konrad chirped. “See, this is why we keep you around.”

Dave didn’t even bother to struggle, thanking Calvin when the man passed over the papers he forgot. Everyone here was actually tolerant of his forgetfulness, probably because he was happy to do the boring grunt work.

Kaylee, the current worker, did not look excited to see them. “What’s it gonna be now?” She said, looking just as tired as Dave felt.

“We wanna know Henry Stickmin’s address.” Konrad cut in. “So we can visit him sometimes.”

“You know it’s probably not gonna be his real address though?” Kaylee pointed out. “Dude is secretive as all get out. I doubt we have his real address on file.”

“Still want to know.” Calvin said. He caught Dave’s arm before he could turn around and walk away.

Rolling her eyes, Kaylee pulled out a suspiciously thick file from one of the cabinets. “You’re lucky we’re friends, you know. Don’t go telling anyone I did this.”

“Promise.” They chorused, even Dave because he knew what an angry office worker could do. Especially one with control of the files. Kaylee flipped through the file at high speed, stopping on one page.

“Yep, I was right.” Kaylee said. “He put his address as that helicopter pilot’s address. So all of his mail and documents get sent to his teammate. He’s noted as having multiple possible addresses though, safe houses and such, but those are old now.”

“Told you he lives in the vents.” Calvin whispers. Dave uses the resulting fight to bolt out the door.

* * *

If there was one thing that made Dave feel a little better about the whole mess, it was that Charles actually was a pretty nice guy.

“It really wasn’t that bad.” Charles said, leaning back in their booth. He only had a glass of water in front of him, unlike their more alcoholic drinks. “They just kept me for observation.”

“It was pretty worrying though.” Konrad said. Dave nodded along. He hadn’t been there when the pilot got rushed to the hospital post mission, but everyone had been buzzing about it.

Calvin leaned forward. “So did Henry come visit you?”

Dave slugged Calvin in the arm, the man shrugging it off like it was nothing. They were still on that scheme?

Charles lit up. “He did! He was really worried about me, and made a proposal right there. But he had to leave early to get the paperwork done after giving me this ring. I strongarmed him into being the one to talk to General Galeforce.”

It was a very pretty ring. Dave whistled. That was some apology right there.

“New mission soon then?” Calvin said. “Awfully quick for it.”

“I guess?” Charles said. “Our next mission is going to be an easy one though. Very tropical, just doing some recon.”

“Sounds lucky.” Dave said. Henry really must have felt bad about the injuries. The subject changed quickly after that, but Charles kept sneaking looks at his new ring.

Unfortunately for the rest of the base, neither of the two had gotten a clue during the hospital stay or the mission afterward. The resident disasters were here to stay.

* * *

This was it, Dave reflected. He was finally going to be fired because he was going to murder the twins.

His teeth were chattering from the cold, pulling his thin uniform jacket closer around himself. The twins hadn’t bothered to warn anyone of their latest stunt, so when the AC was conveniently broken, nobody was prepared.

They at least had the sense to look sheepish. “We were aiming for night time.” Konrad said.

“Because Henry lives in the vents.” Calvin said, coughing. He dodged the swat from Konrad with relative ease.

Dave glared at them. “How is this going to help then?”

“Easy.” Konrad said. “We can just swing by Charles’ office and drop a couple hints about the advantages of huddling for warmth.”

“This is the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard.” Dave said. He couldn’t wait to see them crash and burn again. “And you’re lucky the General is out right now.”

“C’mon we cover for you sometimes, why can’t you cover for us?”

“Because my mistakes are occasionally forgetting things or tripping over stuff.” Dave said. “Not freezing the entire base as part of some harebrained scheme.”

“This’ll work.” Calvin said confidently. “I know for a fact that Charles doesn’t like cold weather. He’ll be super receptive to any advice. He’s probably freezing right now.”

Charles was not, in fact, freezing. Instead, he looked supernaturally cheery when they walked into the small space that functioned as a rotating office for pilots.

Probably because he was bundled up in with an overly large red sweater layered over his uniform, a red scarf hanging around his neck. Dave eyed him with jealousy. “Hey guys! Looks like the AC’s broken.”

“Sure does.” Konrad said. If it was any consolation, the poor guy looked absolutely bamboozled. “Getting some work done?”

“For a bit, and then I’ve got to go run through a mechanics check with engineering.” Charles said. “Do you know when they’ll fix the AC?”

“Probably be a few hours.” Calvin said, wincing at Dave’s glare. “Where did you get that stuff?”

“Oh this?” Charles said. “I asked Henry if he could run home and grab some warm clothing. Guess it was a good idea if it’s going to take so long to get the AC fixed.”

“Did he also bring you that candy?” Dave said, pointing at the desk. It was some sort of assorted candy box, half hidden under files. The twins perked up immediately.

“Nope! That’s just a gift I’ll be giving him after work for being so helpful.” Charles said, laughing. “It’s his favorite.”

Charles glanced back down at his desk. “I’m really sorry that I can’t talk more.” He said, looking sad. “But I’ve gotta get through all this to get off work early enough to do dinner. Stay warm!”

It wouldn’t have worked anyways, Dave reflected later. Henry was cheerily walking around in a worn military snow jacket. He had no idea where the man got it, but he was a thief. Probably wasn’t too hard to find a closet of them somewhere.

For now, Dave would just use the flames of vengeance to keep himself warm. Time to go chat up the files department.

* * *

Dave had no idea how or why Ellie was working with them.

But of course, her status meant that as soon as they could, the twins cornered her. And with his luck, it had to be right as he was going over requisition paperwork with her.

“So, you’re the new member, huh?” Calvin started. Dave could already feel the migraine coming on.

“Sure am.” Ellie said. “Why are you asking?”

“We were hoping you could help us out with something.” Konrad started. Dave stares off into the distance. Maybe he should just quit now. It'd be a refreshing change of pace from being fired. 

“See, I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that Henry and Charles are in love with each other.” Calvin said. “We were hoping to see if you’d be willing to help us out in getting them together.”

Ellie raised an eyebrow. “Together.”

“Dating.”

She snickered, pressing a hand against her mouth. “Let me get this straight.” She gasped. “You. Want me to help Henry and Charles. Start dating.”

“Yes?” Konrad said, exchanging a look with Calvin. Dave tried to make himself look as inconspicuous as possible in case Ellie decided this was a massive breach of privacy that should be punished.

Look, all he knew about Ellie was that she smacked a guy with a sign post and was in the Wall for god knows what.

His fears were unfounded as she instead toppled off her chair, wheezing with laughter. She was laughing so hard, there wasn’t even sound anymore, just silent mirthful wheezing.

“I’m guessing that’s a no then.” Calvin said, the twins beating a quick retreat. 

Dave had a good feeling there was something he didn’t know about this whole situation, even as they finally got back to the paperwork. Which was confirmed three days later when the twins finally got tired of their whole scheme.

The bar was packed full, everyone riding high off of their achievement. The Toppats weren’t defeated at all, certainly, but the government had prevented them from getting that orbital station. Even the General was enjoying a nice drink.

Dave was taking a break from the festivities in the quieter corner, which meant he had a full view of what took place.

Henry, Charles, and Ellie were crowded into a small booth, Charles practically sitting in Henry’s lap. They were having a hushed conversation about something very likely illegal from the looks on their faces.

It stopped quickly when the twins walked over. “Congrats on the mission.” Konrad said. “You gonna celebrate by finally finishing up that will they, won’t they thing?”

Dave took a long sip of his drink. He had a good feeling he was going to need it. 

Ellie started giggling as the other two stared at the twins. “What thing?” Charles asked, forehead furrowed in confusion.

“A good chunk of the base has been waiting for you to date for forever.” Calvin said. “It’s actually kind of sad at this point.”

Ellie was either having an asthma attack or laughing. Dave really couldn’t tell the difference.

Charles and Henry stared at them. “But we’re married.” Charles said. “We’ve been dating for a while now. Our first year anniversary is in two months.”

If Dave wasn’t quite so buzzed, he probably would have done a spit take. But he was pretty buzzed, and this explained a lot.

The look on the twins’ faces were fantastic though. Shock and confusion warred resulting in a look like they had swallowed frogs.

“How long has this been going on?” Konrad said. Calvin was still spluttering. Ellie fell out of the booth, wheezing.

“A while?” Charles said. “After our third duo mission. I don’t know how you didn’t notice, we were definitely pretty obvious about it.”

Henry nodded, pressing a kiss against Charles’ forehead. The pilot giggled, reaching up to cup Henry’s chin and press his own kiss to the thief’s face. _”Matching rings.”_ Henry signed slowly.

Well, yeah, he could see that now that he was actually looking.

“Who else knows about this?” Konrad said. “Wait, so that whole thing after the hospital was you getting married? Not an apology?”

“I knew.” The general said, looking up from his drink. He knocked it back in one gulp. “The boys came to me for a witness for the official ceremony.”

Later, they’ll be cornered by an unfairly sober Ellie and Galeforce and threatened into keeping their silence on the matter for safety reasons.

For now, Dave just sat back in his chair and enjoyed the show. At least he hadn’t gotten fired for this.

**Author's Note:**

> Henry knits because it’s good training to keep his hands agile. And also because Charles loves the gifts he knits for him. 
> 
> Definitely more canon bending here, but Dave deserves to keep a job!! And Ellie and Henry got free about a week before the Toppat mission, because I don’t think I noted that in “If You Like It Then You Should Put A Ring On It (so Henry did)”.


End file.
